I know that love is sweeter when the bag is full of money but another truth is that life will not always give you what you desire at the time you wish.
It is good to dream big but understand that life does not always go according to your plans.
I get heartbroken whenever I see a man and his pregnant wife trekking under the hot sun. Sometimes, I wish I could gift them a car. But I’m also a trekaholic.
If you were born into a poor family, you will hate to raise your child in poverty. Nothing in this life favours the poor.
With wetin my eyes don see, I don’t want to raise a child who will be screaming “Aluta Continua” for 7 years and eventually graduate to start singing Aluta songs in various wedding parties.
I know how it feels when the landlord comes to embarrass a parent in the presence of their children. I know how it feels when a child is sent out of school because the parents were unable to provide his school fees.
I want to send my children to the best schools. I don’t want to raise malnourished children. I want to enjoy my marriage without poverty-induced disagreements. This is my dream marriage.
I cannot count the number of my colleagues who have gotten married. I even attended some weddings of my classmates before I graduated from the university. Sometimes, I wonder “What is chasing them?”
I cannot count the number of birthday celebrants who said “Yes” to marriage proposals during my undergraduate days (even though most of them ended up becoming lord of the ring and victims of some sharp guys who only use these rings and proposals as baits to get their preys).
Although some people have become complacent and have decided to get married and continue in the cycle of generational poverty, others have chosen to fight poverty by all legal means.
This is why so many people have paused anything called marriage until they eventually secure the bag.
Some ladies have vowed to attain a certain height in their career pursuit before finally waiting for the ‘hunters’ to come for them. No sane lady wants to be a liability to her husband.
Some guys have also vowed to have certain amount of money in their bank accounts before they can start thinking of getting married.
The economy of the country shows that a ₦100,000 salary or monthly income may not be enough for a man to cater for his family.
Each time I go to the supermarket, I love to check out the current prices of Pampers and Cerelac. This alone is scary enough for a man who wants to be a real man.
If you attended a public institution, ASUU has already delayed some part of your life. If you don’t have connections, getting a job quickly in this part of the world is harder than solving Chinese Maths.
Before you say Jack Robinson, you are 35 years old, still in your father’s house chasing the bag. It’s as if the more some people keep chasing the bag, the farther it runs from them.
Ladies are aging quickly. Guys are dyeing their grey hairs secretly.
Age is not just a number; it has its consequences. Age may favour the male gender because as he grows older, his option of choosing a younger lady increases.
No matter the amount of mascara and Mary Kay a lady applies on her face, most guys can still identify a lady whose skin is getting wrinkled.
As a lady age, her option of marrying from an older age bracket reduces.
Medically, ageing also affects a lady’s chance of giving birth and it increases her chances of either being a second wife or getting married to her younger brother’s age mate.
No latecomer in marriage is punished. That is true. But in every delay, lost time can never be regained. No one prays to use their retirement income to enroll their children in a daycare.
Either way, pausing your marital life to secure the bag is not a wise decision. If age is no longer on your side, it is advisable that you accept the love beaconing at you while you secure the bag together with your spouse.
Reply to that responsible guy in your DM today. Make it easy for him to love you. He cannot be fighting poverty and still be fighting for your love.
Stop using “God’s time is the best” to comfort yourself when in reality, you are your own problem. The world has evolved. It is an outdated statement for any lady to say that “I want a guy who would be able to take care of me financially.”
Were you not taking care of yourself when you were single? To expect a man to be financially buoyant simply because he is a man is just as offensive as expecting a woman to cook and clean simply because she’s a woman.
It is not about one person taking care of the other. Both partners should be able to support each other financially to build the family.
After all, if you are fighting for gender equality, you should also be fighting for equal responsibility.
Enough of those hard girl vibes. Since you started calling yourself an independent woman and a career lady, how much money you don make?
There is no rule to this thing. If you find the love before the bag, accept it too. You may never find the love when you eventually secure the bag.
It is easier for a duck to find a duck and hustle together to become eagles than for a duck to become an eagle so as to relate with eagles.
When it eventually becomes an eagle, the eagles it wants to befriend might have aimed higher too. It’s a cycle. Besides, it’s lonely up there.
“I will find a partner who will love me when I eventually make money” is a pseudo-comfort. It may never happen.
When you eventually secure the bag, you are most likely going to have more fake people all around you who are only interested in your money.
Irrespective of your goals, life happens. In life, you have to plan that your plan may not always go according to plan.
There is nothing wrong with changing your entire life goals to give yourself a new direction and purpose. Do it whenever the need arises.
As you secure the bag, remember that there are different types of wealth that are not monetary. A marital relationship is one of them.
Finding a marriage material in this woke generation of ‘breakfast’ and transactional relationships is like searching for the grave of Judas Iscariot.
As a mature adult, it will be stupid for you to reject gold that you find along your path to financial freedom. Use your common sense.
Building a marital relationship is not a distraction from pursuing your career or securing the bag. Stop telling yourself this lie.
A relationship is only a distraction to people who are into multiple relationships and people who have unsupportive partners.
If you are waiting till you have your name on the Forbes List before you start finding love, you may still never have a networth of ₦10 million when you clock 50 years. Since you started securing the bag, how much you don make?
If you find a partner whom you find sweet in character and appearance, accept him, support her and build a future together. A king and a queen marry to build a kingdom.
While all-around maturity is key, if you are able to provide a basic life for yourself comfortably, you are financially ready to get married. A responsible adult with a steady income is buoyant enough to walk down the aisle.
It is not until you start spending money like a yahoo boy that you are financially buoyant to settle down. The cost of living is not expensive; it is the cost of lifestyle that is expensive.
As long as you and your partner will be working and earning money to assist each other, don’t be afraid to start a family.
Your potential in-laws are not expecting you to have a car and a house at this stage of your life. You are the one setting those goals for yourself.
That beautiful lady that you have been eyeing is not asking you to do a state-of-the-art wedding, you are the one who wants your wedding to be the talk of the town. With the little money you have saved, you can have a COVID-19 wedding.
Sometimes, it is not as if you are scared of the financial consequences of raising a family, you are only an unserious playboy. That little money you are spending in beer parlours is the same money that someone is using to raise a family.
This life no balance. That your friend hammered before he got married does not mean that you have to hustle hard and wait long till you eventually blow before tying the knot.
Long after the sweetness of securing the bag has been forgotten, the bitterness of late marriage remains.
Be flexible with your goals. Confront your fears. Marriage is a risk worth taking.
© Kingsley Ndimele
Your Reliable Consultant